Cut to the Cheese

 Date: November 2, 2024 

Authors: Rachel Treisman & Juliana Kim 

Link: https://www.npr.org/2024/10/28/nx-s1-5168356/cheddar-cheese-stolen-neals-yard-dairy 

Cut to the Cheese 

 

So, a 63-year-old man has been arrested for stealing an insane $389,000 worth of cheddar cheese from Neal’s Yard Dairy. Apparently, this guy thought he could just walk in, pull off a heist, and walk off with nearly 1,000 wheels of cheese. It’s unclear if the thief is planning on living off on all this cheese but I sure hope he isn’t lactose intolerant... 

Though, can we just take a moment to appreciate the pure absurdity of this whole situation? Who in their right mind decides that stealing cheese is a good idea? I mean, if you’re going to be a theif, at least aim for something a little more exciting than cheese. This guy could’ve stolen literally anything but nope, cheddar is better than diamonds. His motive seriously intrigues me. 

Apparently “the man posed as a buyer for a French retailer”, which is just hilarious on its own. Did he have to buy a fake business card too? Having the thought of this man scheming this whole thing is hysterical to me. You have to wonder how they didn’t see through this, but I guess while working as a cheese vendor, you don’t have protocols for these situations. 

The amount of cheese stolen was over 48,500 pounds! Either this guy concerningly loves cheese or is trying to end world hunger.  I mean, how do you even move that much cheese? It’s not like you can just shove it in a backpack and run away. What was his plan? Rent a moving truck just for cheese? 

The “British cheese community” is extremely upset about this. Chef Jamie Oliver called it a “real shame” and noted, “This will slow Neal’s Yard being able to support all of their cheese makers over the next five years”, which isn't true. 

Neal’s Yard Dairy is working hard to recover from this cheese disaster, but they’ve already paid their cheese makers in full. You really have to wonder why they didn’t have better security. Even though it’s just cheese, not secret government documents, they should have invested in some cameras instead of just focusing on making fancy cheese. 

Honestly, I feel bad for the guy. He manages to pull the most abnormal stunt of 2024 and gets caught doing it. Imagine being known as “the guy who went to jail for stealing cheese” for the rest of your life.  

In a world filled with serious issues, this cheese heist is something we need because it’s a reminder of how hilarious life can be. Neal’s Yard Dairy is asking cheese lovers to keep an eye out for any suspicious deals. Jamie Oliver even phrased it as, “If the deal seems too gouda to be true, it probably is!”  

 

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